Holiday Gift Ideas

I came across this amusing little link over at Shakesville, and thought it would be nice to assist my fellow bloggers with their holiday shopping. So for those of you who missed Black Friday (or managed to survive it), heres a few ideas to get yer shop-hop in gear:

We begin with the
Darth Vader Toaster -a must for all creative cooks of the future, and it runs off the optional light saber battery pack too!

How about an upside down X-Mas tree to make the Yoga enthusiast of the family feel right at home.




There's the Star Trek Bottle Opener sure to beam up smiles from the sci-fi fans in the family, that is, if you can coax them to come up out of the basement.

Or how about some big bear feet. A great gift for the practical joker in the family who wants us all to believe BigFoot lives in the back yard.

(You never know...with a few well placed footprints in the snow, and a video upload to Youtube, you might just have the next big thing with this gift.)

And if all else fails, you could always get the family some gift certificates from Rocco's Tattoo Emporium.

_________

Note to Self:

*-Call Grandmas doctor and have her medication changed

Happy Holydaze to all.

WKRP Turkey Drop

"As God as my witness, I thought Turkeys could fly!"
-Mr. Carlson, WKRP in Cincinatti

Write Right

Image via Wikipedia
Writers update:

It's been a busy week for my keyboard. Clackity-clack.

I submitted one article to Redbook and the Ladies Home Journal, of which I have not yet received a response. It usually takes about six weeks with the top tier rags, so no worries there mate...just anticipation.

I wrote another that was accepted to a magazine called Journeys, and two more for a newspaper called The Liberty Voice.

I am also making good progress on my novel, which feels great, because as writers well know, "The Novel" always seems to take the back burner to everything else in life.

This is the sixth book for me, well I should say the sixth attempt. The first was just something I put together as a supplement for classes I taught.

The second was a privately published collaboration for an organization I belong to.

The third was a disaster! I made the neophyte mistake of trying to put everything into it, including the kitchen sink. (It was going to be The Great American Novel, yanno.) Good Gatsby that thing reads like scattered pages bound up after a library bombing!

The fourth book is a work of historical fiction based on an Ohio family at the turn of the century. I made a DVD documentary to go along with it that is currently available at several libraries and the Ohio Historical Society. The book never got finished, but the documentary did, so I guess that's a partial success. One of these days, I'll get back to it, but not now.

The fifth attempt was a book I co-authored with a wonderful writer about women in politics. We self published to get it out there quickly for this years election, and even had a University Press lined up for wider distribution, but that one is now a dead horse. Pity. It was actually a respectable little piece of prose.

And now, I'm on number six.

This one is fun. I look forward to spending time with my characters and creating the world they live in. I am hopeful this one just might make it out of the nest and fly. It feels different than the others. It has an excitement and a comical edge to it that none of the others did. It also has a very pointed focus, which helps a lot.

I've learned so much about the craft of writing from this process, and all those lessons are showing up in the pages of this new work. -And really, that's the key...Mamma always said "Practice makes perfect!"

With that sentiment in mind, here's a great little story my fellow scribes might enjoy:

An esteemed Harvard professor and published author offered an advanced writing class all the students were clamoring to attend. On the first day, the lecture hall was packed. The instructor walked in, looked around the room and told the students to take out a pad of paper and a pen. Then he said, "So you all want to become writers heh? Well then WRITE!"

And with that, he left the room.

Monkey Balls

I've got monkey balls in my basement. Also known as hedge apples or horse apples, these lumpy fruits of the Osage Orange tree are known by many for their use as a spider repellent.

My tweenkin daughter just moved into the basement, for some much sought after teen privacy and "space" so we went a walking to find her some monkey balls.

A few days later, my husband spotted a spider by the fireplace. As he was about to evict the little sucker, a thought occurred to me, and I stopped him dead in his tracks.

"DO NOT TOUCH THAT SPIDER!" I cried.

"Let's do an experiment. I want to see if those monkey balls really work."

So the family gathered round the hearth, with green ball and flashlight in hand, watching the reaction of our little eight legged intruder, as "Deal or No Deal" blared on in the background, ignored.

Nothing.

Ol' spidy did not mind the monkey ball one bit.

So we cut it in half to see if that would do the trick.

Still no reaction.

"I wonder what kind of spider he is?"

"I don't know, but I'll bet he comes from Washington D.C."

"Why?"

"Because he sure is slow to react."

With that, the family consensus was to head off to bead, and resume our research in the morning.

Of course, our little guest was still there the next day, happily spinning his home a mere six inches away from the horrid hedge apple.

Our conclusion: either monkey ball magic is a myth, or we have a spider with the soul of Martin Luther King, for he has surely overcome.

Related articles by Zemanta

• Archery and What Bows are Made From
• Game Shows Can Sap Your Brains Out

Honoring Veterans day

My Grandmother: A real Rosie the Riveter!



Her dad: Leader of the 42nd Rainbow Division band under General Black Jack Pershing.

Grandmas twin brother: "Uncle Inky" a WWI Doughboy, who went off to war with his father at the tender age of 14.

How Lame

In honor of Thanksgiving, and the soon to be upon us LAME DUCK
Season, I offer some amusing visuals to give you something to quack about.


"But I thought you didn't LIKE that bill..."

(I have several good captions for this one, but none I am willing to post on the web. So good readers, chime in and create your own.)

Did I mention I'm cooking for 14 people this Thanksgiving? Yeah, just pass me an apron and call me Dolly Domestic.

I can smell that turkey cookin already!

Sharing and Caring

The Dream Come True

Happy Halloween!

We had a great grand Halloween celebration with lots of kids and costumes. The neighbors all dropped by for "goul-osh, cider, and bunches of other pot luck treats. One gal did up a veggie tray with carrots sticking out of the dill dip. She put little radish slices on the tips to make it look like fingers. Creepy crunchy goodness. Yum.


My neighbors down the street put out a sign saying "HELP! We are surrounded by scary McCain Voters!" (Their house has an Obama sign, and their neighbors on both sides and across from them all have McCain signs.)

It was pretty funny.

For my part, I carved a political pumpkin. Late that night after the festivities were over, my kids and I snuck down to the Obama house, put our punkin on their porch, rang the doorbell and hid. The owners came out to find our gift. They took the pumpkin and put it on a pedestal as the feature of their display. The kids and I were grinning from ear to ear as we watched. We wanted them to know they were not alone, and that they have neighbors who really do care.

I thought it was very symbolic of the CHANGE we are all looking for in this election. Instead of arguing with the opposition, we did something to make our neighbors feel a little HOPE.

It was a SWEET TREAT for all.

Of course, some McCain supporters have other ideas. (Click here to see the video of a woman who would not give Halloween candy to children unless they support McCain.)

Glowbama Pumpkin Carving Contest

Win a free ipod and Change the World!
That's right folks, it's time for the first annual Barack Obama Pumpkin Carving Contest!

Anyone can enter. Just carve your Punkin, take a snap shot and send it in. Winners will be announced the night before the big election. (One rule: No attack Punkins allowed, cause yanno, it's a fun family kind of thing.)

Check out the contenders:

-Pretty creative... but come on bloggerites, I know you can win this thing! Pull out those kitchen knives and show us what you've got.

(It's by far a much healthier outlet than what a certain misguided McCain supporter did. )

Have some fun and Change the World!

The Family Friendly Workplace

Image via Wikipedia Joe asks to take off work early on Friday to play a round of golf with the boys. No problem (He’s networking.) Jill asks to take of work early on Friday to volunteer in her child’s classroom, and eyebrows are raised and suggestions made that maybe Jill does not really care about her job. Jill gets the message that if her family is her first priority, maybe she should just leave the workforce and stay at home…where “good” mothers belong.

But the reality is most families need duel incomes to survive. Jill must work. For that matter, Jill WANTS to work. She wants to take care of her family too.

This old “between a rock and a hard place” scenario is the basis of The MOMMY WARS. One side says women are traditional caregivers, and should fulfill that role in the home. The other side says women who want careers should have ample opportunity to compete with men on a level playing field. They want all day every day kindergarten, and state funded daycare, and passage of The Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act.

Now, I am all for the Ledbetter Act, and Early Childhood Development, but it seems to me there is a middle ground we are missing in this debate:

Women have worked along side their men since the beginning of time. Go back to the Hunter Gatherer societies, and you will see, women providing the majority of the food.
Seventy percent of the food consumed by prehistoric peoples consisted of plant material, and only thirty percent came from the hunt.

Some scientists believe the tendency for right handedness -- which is passed on the maternal side -- comes from these gathering gals. They say women would hold their babies with their left arm because the children were comforted by the sound of the heartbeat, while working with the right arm. In other words, the girls were doing twice as much “providing” as their male counterparts, with one hand tied behind their back!

I wonder why we never see anything about that in those cave man documentaries on The History Channel.

In agricultural societies, women also worked along side their men. Women milked cows, gathered eggs, fed livestock, and harvested food. The difference between then and now is simply that children are no longer allowed in the workplace, because the workplace is no longer part of the home or community. The industrial revolution changed everything.

So we have a new standard of work ethics in the modern world; 9 to 5 Monday thru Friday, with a little overtime thrown in for good measure. This is a problem for primary caregivers. They simply can not compete for promotions and raises under the current system. I have always said I can put in a sixty hour week, and still be a good mom; I just need control of my schedule to do it. As the primary caregiver for my family, my schedule must fluctuate with the needs of my children, my husband, my pets, and sometimes my aging parents. I am in charge of doctors’ appointments, dentist appointments, visits from Joe the plumber, and Jill the electrician. It is my responsibility to make sure the kids get on the bus at 8:30, and are home safe at 3:30. I am the one in charge on snow days, teacher work days, late start days and holidays. I attend the PTO meetings and go to school events and conferences. I bring food for classroom parties, and chaperone for field trips. It’s expected, and I don’t mind doing it one bit. I just need the ability to do some of my other work early in the morning or late at night to manage it all.

Have you ever taken a good look at a school calendar? Almost every third week of the year includes either a late start day or a non school day. How many employers will put up with that?

To paraphrase the famous line from the Paul Newman movie “Cool Hand Luke” What we have here is a lack of communication.

I believe we need a new model in the work place. With today’s technology there is no reason why flex time, telecommuting, and job sharing programs can not become the norm. The industrial age is over. This is the information age, and yet we still can not seem to come to grips with the basic advantages of the technology we have harnessed.

Flex time works. There are plenty of studies to prove it. Employee satisfaction goes up when people are in charge of their own schedules. Employee turn-over goes down. Companies who use these family friendly models attract the best and the brightest. A better worker pool means higher production and bigger profits.

Families with duel incomes and low daycare costs have higher net worth and more disposable income. That extra money fuels spending and boosts the economy.

Flex time and work from home also decreases rush hour traffic, and reduces our carbon footprint. It’s good for the environment.

Kids who have a parent at home, acting as a responsible hard working role model engage in lower rates of vandalism and get better grades in school.

If we really value the family as the core of society, why is Joe rewarded for golfing while Jill is considered “below par” for volunteering in the schools? I don’t get it.

I suggest we could jump start our economy and solve a great many social problems by creating tax incentives for eco friendly, family friendly businesses, willing to employ some of these proven strategies in the workplace.

The bottom line is; IT WORKS!

Related articles by Zemanta

• 5 Signs of a Family Friendly Company
• Calling All Breadwinning Moms!
• Does Mom Go Back To Work?
• Collegiate Mom's 2cents

The Welfare Queens of Wall Street

Image via Wikipedia Here's my latest column for The Huffington Post, titled: The Welfare Queens of Wall Street.

Enjoy!

Gather round kiddies, its story time:

Once upon a time, Ronald Reagan rallied Republicans with his tale of the big bad “welfare queen” who cruised around the kingdom in her pumpkin colored Cadillac stealing all the peoples gold. His story was a fabrication of course, but did much to solidify the convictions of the “pull yourself up by your own bootstraps” crowd. Now we have welfare queens on Wall Street begging for a bail out while spending all our money at the spa. Oh how the tables do turn.

The plight of these poor little rich men started when the wicked witch of Deregulation came to town. George Bush was a believer in the fairy tale of the “ownership society.” The premise; capitalism is king, free markets are the Holy Grail, and the big bad monster of government must be completely crushed like a little bug under the cowboy boot of consumerism. Wealth and prosperity will trickle down to those who deserve it, and away from those who don’t. (Excuse me for saying so, but I am not overly fond of being “trickled on” by a bunch of Monopoly men.)

What we are talking about here is supply side economics. (I know, I know, economics is a tough subject, and not much fun, but bear with me, and I shall try to provide a little stimulus in the package.)

Here’s a quick background: Regan believed spending creates wealth. So the idea is, spend more than you have, and riches will abound. It’s kind of like saying instead of saving your money in the bank, just max out your credit cards to say, a trillion dollars or so while waving your magic wand saying “there’s no place like home.”

But to put it in folksy Sarah Palin slang, “By-golly, that sure didn’t work worth a diddly now did it.” (Wink)

Bill Clinton did not believe in such magic, and refused to drink the kool-aid, so when he took office, he created a plan called “Pay as You Go.” Bill balanced his budget, and left us with a nice fat national savings account. (Thanks Bill!) But George Bush did not like Bill. He liked Ron’s idea better. So George and his pals in the GOP decided to spend every last dime in that ol’ savings account, and then spend more and more and more!

The problem is, George and his buddies did not read the entire memo on Keynesian economics, which basically says deficit spending is O.K. in the short term. In other words; be fiscally responsible, but if your car breaks down, go ahead and use the credit card to fix it, cause keeping the ol’ engine running in order to get to work is better than losing your job. They just sort of skipped over that “in the short term” part, and just ran with the shop till you drop plan like Brittany Spears on a bender.

The politicians of the GOP were living high on the hog in this fairy tale world and bringing home the bacon big time. Yes sir’ee Jim Bob, it was a grand old party. They could campaign to the home crowd on the ever popular “no new taxes” mantra while lining their districts with endless payouts of pork pulled from your pockets. (Just ask The Welfare Queen of Wasilla: Alaska got the biggest helping of all.) But even that was not enough. These supply-siders, or “voo-doo economists” as Bush Senior once called them, wanted to deregulate everything. No Rules! No oversight! No government! Let the free market take care of itself! Which is exactly what they did. The busy little beavers of the GOP worked their noses to the ground making new laws to unmake old laws, and set the wild markets free.

Once the markets were deregulated, lots and lots of bad (subprime) loans were made, with No Bank Left behind. It pretty much burst everybody’s bubble.

Now, the GOP will tell you the poor are to blame, (because everybody knows they don’t know how to handle money.) They will say these “irresponsible” borrowers messed up their whole plan and caused the housing bubble to burst. (“Bad poor people!”, “Bad!”)

It’s convenient for the GOP to blame the poor, because this is the one group that is least able to fight back, and the group least likely to vote for them anyway. But the numbers don’t lie folks. While the poor did in fact get caught in this web, and did default on a number of loans, the total percentage of those loans is nowhere near big enough to cause a world market collapse. Look around. This mortgage crisis is not restricted to urban low income neighborhoods here at home. (If this was just a problem in the projects, I guarantee it would never have made the front page.) No, we are talking about world market collapse. We are talking about the foreclosure of McMansions, ocean front estates, and banking failures on a global scale. (As if the poor could pull that off.) This crisis did not occur because the poor abused the free market principle of deregulation to rip off Wall Street, this crisis occurred because the greedy ghost of Gordon Gecko is the acting grand wizard behind the curtain of deregulation policies.

The time has come where conservatives can no longer laugh at progressives with snide remarks of seething fiscal and moral superiority. Their “guy” was wrong. Their plan did not work, and their addiction to the fear mongering politics of imperialistic saber rattling for oil has torn their precious little family values plank into a million little pieces.

There is a price to pay for this folly, of that you can be sure. Judgment is coming, and it commeth right soon. We are facing job losses, business failures, a freeze up in the financial markets, and a very long, severe recession. Change is on the way my friends. Ya, you betcha.

No matter what Congress does now, it’s too late to stop that. The best they can do is minimize the damage, and I would not put too much hope on that because as anyone in Washington will tell you, if you ask two economists their opinion, you will get six different answers. The good news is, in this case, for the first time in world history, all the economists are in agreement on one thing: we are in some really deep doo-doo.

Here is what the American people need to understand, and what they are never, ever going to hear from a politician: You are going to have to pay for this mess, and it is going to cost each and every one of us dearly. We are in a very, very deep debt. We have two wars going on that we can no longer pay for. Our infrastructure is crumbling. Our jobs are going overseas, and our addiction to oil is killing us. It is time to tighten our belts and circle the wagons. As Nancy Pelosi said in a press conference yesterday, “We have a huge budget deficit which we could get relief from if we end the war in Iraq. We have a huge trade deficit which has an impact on the fiscal budget health of our country which would be greatly relieved if we reduced our dependence on foreign oil and did so soon.”

Pelosi took the stage, surrounded by a dozen economists including Nobel Prize winner Joseph Stieglitz, who added, we need a “comprehensive plan, not just based on trickle down economics, not just going to financial markets, but at least some of the money going directly to households and to meet infrastructure needs.” He also focused on the development of green technologies as a major component of the solution.

So climb aboard the magic school bus kiddies. We are about to embark on a wild ride, and learn a whole new way of living in the grand ol’ U.S. of A.

I know The American People are strong enough to overcome this crisis. But I worry the voters will not be smart enough to remember how it all began. I fear, as we experience the hard hitting blows of inflation, voters will retaliate against whoever is in power at the time, which means that even if we vote for Democrats this year, and bring in a fresh new group of leaders, ready and willing to turn this mess around, the Republicans will have a sweeping victory in 2012. They will approach hungry, hurting voters with that tempting poison apple of trickle down policy, dressed up in the costume of tax relief, and rule the kingdom once again.