Every year we take the children to visit their grandparents on Christmas Eve. After the hugs and greetings the children run to the Christmas tree where they search like squirrels. Hidden in the branches they each find an envelope with a crisp new twenty dollar bill.
No wonder they don't believe me when I tell them money doesn't grow on trees!
The White House issued a red level footwear alert today, after a shoe throwing incident during the Presidents press conference in Iraq.
Bush has appointed 18 year old Airport security guard Buster Brown head of the countries new DC footwear anti terrorism team. Brown will be sworn in as Shoe Czar in the Oval office tomorrow.
President Bush joked about the incident saying “the shoe was a size 10.” However, Dick Cheney soon after enlisted Colon Powell to “toe the line” and release a Pentagon report claiming the shoes were actually sized 9-11. He then called for an international coalition of nations to invade Birkenstockistan. Cheney was later quoted as saying “This time we are gonna Sock it to em!”
Some conspiracy theorists are floating rumors of a “second Shoe-man” and claiming the attack was an inside job, as the video clearly shows no reaction or response from security or the Iraqi Prime Minister.
*Witnesses report having heard the plop of a third shoe hitting the wall behind the president. A commission is being set up, headed by the CEO of Hush Puppies, to scrutinze all 8mm videotapes made of the event.
One official from the Olympic javelin throwing committee scored the shoe bomber as a 5.5, because even though he missed his mark, he scored high on style points. The NCAA is rumored to be lobbying for a special Heisman Trophy for the throwers fancy footwork, calling him “a shoe in” for the next NFL draft. However, the secret service ranked embarrassingly low scores, as they were out on a coffee break, and missed the entire event. Apparently Special Secret Service Agent In Charge- Douglas Chesnick was replaced by a new crop of agents the White House recently outsourced through Wal-Mart.
Bush did his best to calm fears telling reporters he felt no threat, and all members of the White House Press Corps were in agreement on the prowess of the Presidents “Ducking skills.” Loyal Republicans met the Presidents plane with fanfare, playing the blues brothers song “Sole Man” as Bush exited the tarmac. Protesters responded by dressing up as Buster Brown and sporting signs that said “Heck of a job Brownie!” and “Sock and Awe!”
Stock in the shoe market jumped by 54% worldwide as a result.
Today is my 46th birthday. So I am spending it with the family, just relaxing and having some fun. We were all cracking up over these parodies of the "INSPIRE" posters we found on the net.
I do love laughter, especially the contagious type. So here's a few of our favorites that might just split your sides too:
I've got monkey balls in my basement. Also known as hedge apples or horse apples, these lumpy fruits of the Osage Orange tree are known by many for their use as a spider repellent.
My tweenkin daughter just moved into the basement, for some much sought after teen privacy and "space" so we went a walking to find her some monkey balls.
A few days later, my husband spotted a spider by the fireplace. As he was about to evict the little sucker, a thought occurred to me, and I stopped him dead in his tracks.
"DO NOT TOUCH THAT SPIDER!" I cried.
"Let's do an experiment. I want to see if those monkey balls really work."
So the family gathered round the hearth, with green ball and flashlight in hand, watching the reaction of our little eight legged intruder, as "Deal or No Deal" blared on in the background, ignored.
Nothing.
Ol' spidy did not mind the monkey ball one bit.
So we cut it in half to see if that would do the trick.
Still no reaction.
"I wonder what kind of spider he is?"
"I don't know, but I'll bet he comes from Washington D.C."
"Why?"
"Because he sure is slow to react."
With that, the family consensus was to head off to bead, and resume our research in the morning.
Of course, our little guest was still there the next day, happily spinning his home a mere six inches away from the horrid hedge apple.
Our conclusion: either monkey ball magic is a myth, or we have a spider with the soul of Martin Luther King, for he has surely overcome.
Filming an Enviornmental Public Service Announcment with actor and activist Ed Begley Jr.
Question Authority!
God gave you a brain, SHE expects you to use it.
I am NOT a conformist!
Girl Power!
Planned Parenthood President, Cecile Richards (daughter of Gov. Ann Richards), me, and Gloria Steinem
The Wage Gap:
3/4 of a Penny for Your Thoughts...
The wisdom of Jungle Jack:
The most important thing is to preserve the world we live in. Unless people understand and learn about our world, habitats, and animals, they won't understand that if we don't protect those habitats, we'll eventually destroy ourselves.
Kelley and Ohio Gov. Ted Strickland
When I asked Gov. Strickland for advice, he did not send me to some lobby group or pundit, he sent me to see his favorite teacher. Way to go OHIO! We picked a great Governor
“We have an infinite amount to learn both from nature and from each other”
-Senator John Glenn
It's BATH TIME!
Speaking out at The Statehouse
Democracy only works when The People get involved. Remember folks, it's up to YOU.
I'm one of those souls who Loves the roller coaster ride of life! If reincarnation exists, then I am sure that I will always be jumpin to the front of the line to do it again.
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