Sunday, July 31, 2005

My Doctor said...

That's right folks, LYSOL, the same product we use to strip our floors and clean our bathrooms was once a popular DOUCHE!

From the 1920's to the 1950's women were douching with Lysol. It killed off all of the natural bacterias that protect the body and led to all sorts of horrible infections, which just encouraged women to use it more often, and in stronger concentrations. This led to chemical burns and permanent scarring of the vaginal tissues.

Aaah, the wonders of modern medicine....

Friday, July 29, 2005

Out with the Trash: part two

The other day, I was babysitting four munchkins while cleaning the basement. They were in the playroom at the end of the hall. They always play wherever I am cleaning. They seem to think that its their duty to make new messes in my wake so that I will have something to do.

Bless their busy little hearts!

Anyway, I got this Grand Idea to move this big oversized chair into the playroom.

Well, as I was rounding the corner, it got stuck.
Not just stuck a little bit, but wedged into the wall like a boulder in a canyon.

The kids are on one side and Im on the other.

Their Dad shows up to pick up his tots.
"Um, can have your kids, if we can get to them..."

We managed to figure a way to have them climb out over the top of the bohemouth obstruction and all was well: except for the chair of course.

I felt like Lucille Ball. I could just picture my hubby turning into Ricky Ricardo when he got home.

To save face, I went to war with that thing! O Monster in my hallway, I grapple with thee.

Puffing and panting I retreated to the garage. I emerged with a chain saw and safety glasses as my children stared in disbelief.

Fuzz, Fabric and Fibers went Flyin!

The chair is dead, the walls are wounded, but the passage to the playroom is clear.

Now...what's next?????

Out with the Trash!

This is an art peice that I made many, many moons ago. It used to sit on my mantle, and looked good with our southwest decor. Then one day a friend said that it looked like a naked guy sitting on the edge of a table.

Forever after that, thats all I could see.

I have since redecorated in a medditeranian theme.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Another Amber alert for Jesus

Credit for this goes to:

Q: "Have you found Jesus yet?"

A: "Why, is he lost AGAIN???

Journey with the Wind

Sailing far on unknown waters
filled with adversities
Push ever on O' sons and daughters
to the bridge of Eternity

Keyboard Shortcut

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

The Circle of Life

A plain simple figure in three dimentions.

A never ending, curving path, leading inward, or outward.

A Paradox.

Two flat spirals: the illusion of 3D.

So basic, yet so hard to comprehend.

Wax Philosophic

If my blog were a book, this would be the cover. LOL

Friday, July 22, 2005

Groundbreaking Telemarketing Study

The drive-U-Crazy telemarketing company has announced that it will reduce the number of phone calls it makes to dead people.

"We conducted a study and found that sales from this group has flatlined."

Of course, the group will not completly eliminate calls to dead people as that would be a form of discrimination.

One telemarketer commented: "This is a great idea. When I call dead people, they never cut me off or say anything. I have to go through the whole spiel for nothin. It takes up alot of time, and I work on commission."

The dead people had no comment.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

War of the Worlds

The aliens have landed and they are hanging out at the mall !!!!

Monday, July 11, 2005

A mighty Wind

I get so sick of listening to experts
on everything
who are so afraid to say something
that they really say
nothing at all.

not yet revealed,
under advisment,
could possibly be,
might in fact merit,
seems to allude,
lets wait and see...

Give me a speaker who has some guts. A speaker who will blow a mighty wind, deep from the heart, and be willing to take a few lumps when they turn out to be wrong.

I would rather speak out politically and stand corrected,
than stand out for speaking politically correctly.

Friday, July 01, 2005


I admire humor in writing, and have made some attempts to add a pinch of humor to my style. This is much easier said than done.

Getting a laugh is hard enough in person, with visual aids and alcohol, but in writing,

Humor is a Serious Bitch.

John Cleese wrote a bit on the mechanics of humor. He said It involves the unexpected. It has a Shock factor that makes the body convulse, or the mind repulse.

These are also the core elements of trauma, therefore, when attempting humor, it seems wise to have a well trained EMT nearby.

Another thing I noticed in my research is that people with big egos make poor humorists, unless of course their ego is so incredibly large that it is laughable in its own right. Aside from that, most jokers use the persona of "Hey, Im a dumb jerk" This gives them the freedom to speak on any issue without the need for credibility.

Lastly, there is the need for rhythm. The joke has got to roll like music to a beat, usually to a 1,2,3 set up. One and two set the expectation for three, but three is the opposite of what is expected and the result is convulsion or repulsion, either in the form of a hearty laugh or a heart attack.

I know that wasn't very funny...But Im working on it.