Monday, December 15, 2008

"Shoeicide" Bomber Makes a Stink


The White House issued a red level footwear alert today, after a shoe throwing incident during the Presidents press conference in Iraq.

Bush has appointed 18 year old Airport security guard Buster Brown head of the countries new DC footwear anti terrorism team. Brown will be sworn in as Shoe Czar in the Oval office tomorrow.

President Bush joked about the incident saying “the shoe was a size 10.” However, Dick Cheney soon after enlisted Colon Powell to “toe the line” and release a Pentagon report claiming the shoes were actually sized 9-11. He then called for an international coalition of nations to invade Birkenstockistan. Cheney was later quoted as saying “This time we are gonna Sock it to em!”

Some conspiracy theorists are floating rumors of a “second Shoe-man” and claiming the attack was an inside job, as the video clearly shows no reaction or response from security or the Iraqi Prime Minister.

*Witnesses report having heard the plop of a third shoe hitting the wall behind the president. A commission is being set up, headed by the CEO of Hush Puppies, to scrutinze all 8mm videotapes made of the event.

One official from the Olympic javelin throwing committee scored the shoe bomber as a 5.5, because even though he missed his mark, he scored high on style points. The NCAA is rumored to be lobbying for a special Heisman Trophy for the throwers fancy footwork, calling him “a shoe in” for the next NFL draft. However, the secret service ranked embarrassingly low scores, as they were out on a coffee break, and missed the entire event. Apparently Special Secret Service Agent In Charge- Douglas Chesnick was replaced by a new crop of agents the White House recently outsourced through Wal-Mart.

Bush did his best to calm fears telling reporters he felt no threat, and all members of the White House Press Corps were in agreement on the prowess of the Presidents “Ducking skills.” Loyal Republicans met the Presidents plane with fanfare, playing the blues brothers song “Sole Man” as Bush exited the tarmac. Protesters responded by dressing up as Buster Brown and sporting signs that said “Heck of a job Brownie!” and “Sock and Awe!”

Stock in the shoe market jumped by 54% worldwide as a result.

_______________

*Thanks to Stephen Parrish for adding to the fun.
http://stephenparrish.blogspot.com/

4 comments:

Stephen Parrish said...

Some conspiracy theorists are floating rumors of a “second Shoe-man”

Witnesses report having heard the plop of a third shoe hitting the wall behind the president. A commission is being set up, headed by the CEO of Hush Puppies, to scrutinze all 8mm videotapes made of the event.

Kel-Bell said...

Oh thats GOOD Stephen!

Im gonna add it to the essay (with credit to you, of course.)

-hey maybe we should team up and apply for a job as writers for the new Jay Leno show.

LOL!

Gabriele said...

A delightful take on the shoe incident.
I cannot pass a shoe store,in a mall, without thinking of Bush Ducking. Very creative and a joy to read.

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