Tuesday, May 24, 2005

PANIC!!!!!!!!

I have PANIC ATTACKS.

Everything is cool, la de da day... then
ZINGGGGG......................................
PANIC-FULL BLOWN
Im having a heat attack and Im gonna die NOW!!!!!
NOW!!!!!
This is it! Its OVER - Death is here NOW.

What happens next?
What is death gonna feel like?
Will it hurt?
I am about to cross through the veil.
OMG!

Im not done yet!
There is so much more I want to do!
This can't be all there is to life.
Im not DONE YET!!!

Shit, I havent taken a shower,
my hair is a mess.
Am I wearing clean underwear?
Who will find my body?

Please, not my kids, Please

Tunnel Vision
Hyperventelation
loss of fine motor skills
Primitive Fight or Flight response.

And nobody can do anything to stop it.

I am alone.

Twenty minutes later, it is over.
I am alive.

Wise to the truth,
of the Grim Reapers fingers,
groping at my heart.

Wondering when he will strike again.


1 comment:

firedawg said...

I treated each attack as a learning experience. Hhmmm made it through that one, didn't die etc. Each one had gradually less effect as I dissected and joked about them afterwords. You'll work it out and all will be fine. What is your trigger or fear, any idea?
I am certainly not making light of the situation as it was debilitating and scary as heck for the first, but I had some great help to get me where I could work it out. Take care, a bunch of us made it you will too.