Friday, March 20, 2009

AIG Bailout Security Memo

Gawker.com released a leaked security memo from AIG today, warning employees of the beleaguered financial company to use caution in the face of public rage regarding the use of taxpayer bailout monies for million dollar executive bonuses. During congressional hearings yesterday, AIG CEO Edward Liddy expressed concern for the safety of AIG employees and entered into the record a threat letter that said “All of the executives and their families should be executed with piano wire around their necks."

Comedian Stephen Cobert personified public sentiment by wielding a pitchfork and calling on the mobs to storm the gates. The security memo advised employees to avoid wearing AIG apparel, travel in pairs, and dodge conversations with the media. Some additional words of caution might include:



*Avoid piano repairmen, and cancel any symphony engagements involving a strings section.


*Carry your golden parachute with you at all times.


*Refrain from lighting cigars with hundred dollar bills, especially in public.


*Bulletproof your limo.


*Keep your “Get Out Of Jail Free” card on hand at all times.


Or, they could just , yanno, GIVE THE MONEY BACK!

3 comments:

Gabriele Caruso said...

Never ever for any reason should violence be used. AIG made mistakes but do no harm to any employee of the firm
We must band together and forgive and forget.

Gabriele Caruso said...

Or they could at least buy a Lincoln instead of a BMW. :-)

Kel-Bell said...

LOL